i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
