My friends, they love my intelligence
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
