Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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