this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
