so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
