More tranny stories later!
false alarm. still invincible.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
