You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
