I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
