I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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