I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
