i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
