My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
