you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
