it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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