OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
