Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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