Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
