I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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