So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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