shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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