I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
