another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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