I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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