We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
