i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
His nipple licking is glorious
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