I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
