when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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