turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
