Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
