she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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