Swine flu is the new snow day.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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