Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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