Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
