And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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