Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i out mim tonsoeep
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