your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
