We named our party play list daddy issues
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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