I think I won the penis lottery.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize