I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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