Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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