He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
