So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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