Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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