I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
