Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
