i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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