i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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