Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
