yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
