I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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