This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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