we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
