No more Irish car bombs ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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