I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
