bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
