I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
