oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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