but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
