i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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