TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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