so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
