some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm just crazy horny about you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
