So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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