Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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