i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
