Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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