Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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