my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
