lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
