I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
