Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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