oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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