im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
there is glitter all over my balls
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