just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
worst night to have a conscience
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
